Kim in the City
by I.C. Wiener
Summary: Kim is in the city and she can't find Ron. So logically, she sets out to find him. Finished.


Disclaimer: I don't own Kim Possible or any of the other obscure and/or random references so leave me alone.  
  
Note: This fic is meant to be stupid and the tone's supposed to be the way it is. Kim's supposed to be OOC and so is everyone else. This fic is a general parody of Rachel Blackwell's writing, since it sucks. Everything was done purposely, so don't flame me saying "OMG! THE FIC WAS LIKE SO STUPID!1!1!1!1!1!1!1 LOL LOL OMG WTF LOL!1!1!1!1!1!1!1"  
  
Now, on with the story:  
  
Kim wandered around aimlessly, without direction, and just general lostness. In other words, she didn't know where she was going. This is being explained because the previous sentence before the previous one was incredibly vague, even though it wasn't. Kim had just eaten breakfast, since breakfast is the most important meal of the day, despite what those blasphemers say about lunch being the most important meal of the day. Breakfast is obviously more important that lunch, because it has more letters. If something has more letters than another thing, the thing with more letters is obviously more important, not to mention cooler.  
  
Kim was tired, and/or frustrated, with a hint of very bored and pissed off mixed in. Despite what was said previously, Kim did NOT eat breakfast. She only thought she did, because she was delirious from not eating breakfast. "I need to eat breakfast," thought a hungry Kim. "Despite the fact that I had just eaten breakfast, the most important and coolest meal of the day," She added mentally in her mind, abstractly. "Stupid Ron. Getting lost before I eat my breakfast despite the fact that I did. I'll find him. Then, I'll maim and/or kill him. Whichever comes first. After I've eaten breakfast, of course."  
  
Meanwhile, Drakken and Shego were getting it on! Some kid named Rachel was there too, but we don't care about her so she was mauled by a dog, which was previously a condom.  
  
Also during the meanwhile, this author went to take a piss, then came back to continue writing the story.  
  
Kim continued wandering around tiredly and/or pissedly until she saw a fat and/or really fat woman, depending on the person viewing's point of view. An optimist would have thought that she was "big-boned", a pessimist would've thought that she was fat, and a skinny white dude would've thought "DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNN!!!"  
  
"Can I help you?" asked the fat (and ugly) lady, her fat face squishing up with fat obeseness and her forty-seven chins jiggling more than grandpa's bladder. She was so fat I walked around her twice and got lost, fo' sho. She was so ugly that if it were a few hundred years ago, people would've stoned her. The stones would've had no effect, however, because they would just bounce of her fatassedness.  
  
Kim looked at her ugliness (and fatness) and thought for a while. "Yes," she said finally with much deliberation, hesitation, and slowness. "Have you seen a skinny white kid with a bald mutant rat thing come by?" asked Kim, askingly.  
  
"No. I'm so fat that I can't worry about anything but food." Said the fat (and ugly) lady. "I should be getting some breakfast, besides the fact I've already eaten every buffet out of business..." she whispered to herself quietly and fatassedly. She then left to make Krispy Kreme bankrupt. As the fat and/or ugly lady walked along, Kim heard random shouts of "Oh my God! Stay still, Honey. If it can't see us, it won't hurt us.", "Where's my gun?", "Stone the infidel because of her ugliness!" and "Are they shooting a remake of Ghostbusters?"  
  
Kim walked around some more, pissed and/or cheesed off, which is like pissed. Eventually, she wandered into a dark, damp, musty, smelly, dirty, and just overall unpleasant alley. Suddenly, three short, ugly oompah loompahs jumped out of a trashcan.  
  
"I'm X!" exclaimed the shortest one, gayly and shortly.  
  
"I'm Y!" yelled the ugliest one uglily (and gayly, with a little bit of shortness, but not as much as X)  
  
"And I'm Z!" proclaimed the most retarded one, retardedly and stupidly.  
  
Kim looked at them long and hard. "Aren't you supposed to be singing, dancing, and making candy?" she finally asked.  
  
X looked at her sadly. "We were fired for smoking crack on the job. Now, we're just some average Joes, y'know. Just regular orange-skinned midgets." he responded. X pulled out a pipe and lit it. He took a long draw and convulsed violently. "Now that is some good crack." he added contently, happily, and with satisfaction. "Even better than breakfast, the coolest and most important meal."  
  
"And, why would you be addicted to crack?" ask Kim, thoroughly puzzled.  
  
"I'm French," said X.  
  
"Me too," added Y, addingly.  
  
"Not me. I'm British," said Z.  
  
X and Y felt angered and discomforted at the disrespect shown toward their sucky country. X pulled out his +8 mace and brandished it at Z menacingly and Y pulled out his +100 golden gun and pointed it at Z.  
  
"Admit you're French!" demanded X demandingly.  
  
"You can't tell me what to do!" screeched Z like this author's biology teacher while cowering like a wuss about to get his lights punched out. "I'm the dungeon master! I control your fate!"  
  
"That's very nice," interjected Kim like a sucky tag-along nerd friend who's trying to be cool. "but have you seen my friend Ron? He's a loser white kid with a bald rodent."  
  
"Hmmm..." thought X.  
  
"Hmmm..." thought Y.  
  
"Hmmm..." thought Z.  
  
"Hmmm..." thought X again. "It depends..." he added.  
  
"On what?" asked Kim.  
  
"Well, my memory's a little off... Maybe you could refresh it for me?" X held out an empty jar.  
  
Kim snapped. She was pissed before and now she was really pissed. She pulled out a semi-automatic and gacked his punk ass. Y looked at X's bullet- ridden body and cowered in fear. Kim pointed the semi at him and pressed the trigger, but she was out of bullets. Dropping the semi, she started advancing towards Y.  
  
A few minutes and broken teeth later, Y stumbled out of the ally in pain and just overall discomfort. He flopped to the ground floppily. If you were in a plane above the city, you would've thought Y was a rubber chicken. Strangely, a plane was flying right above the city at the exact moment and the people on the plane believed that Y was, in fact, a rubber chicken, which he was not.  
  
Z ran up the stairs of one of the many tall buildings and through one of the many rooms of the tall building of which there were many with Kim chasing him. He ran through a room with workers who asked who the hell he was, what the hell he was doing in their office, and why he wasn't at work in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. He responded by flipping them off and telling them to shove it.  
  
Eventually, he and Kim reached the top of the building. He jumped onto a ledge, and remembered a passage from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. "I have to throw myself at the ground and miss." he thought grimly and unhappily. He then jumped and one earsplitting scream later, he crashed into the ground without flying, which sucked for him because he broke every bone in his body. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put him back together again.  
  
Looking at the carnage, Kim started wandering aimlessly again (after she got off the building, of course). Walking along the street, she saw a jerk that she hoped to avoid. However, she didn't avoid him and he saw her, causing him to walk toward her instead of away from her, which is the opposite direction from Kim, which is the way that Kim wanted him to walk, but he didn't walk that way and instead proceeded forward, where Kim was.  
  
"Hey baby," said the jerk sexfully and in a way where he would likely be castrated or find a rod jammed up his ass. Kim was disgusted and pondered whether to castrate him or jam a rod up his ass. Indecisively, she decided to do both, just for good measure. She then walked away, while the crowd of onlookers grew larger. Random murmurs of "She shoved the whole thing up there?" and "I pity dat fool!" were heard by her through her ears, which is the only thing a human can hear through. She continued walking down the street and saw the local Krispy Kreme with an "Out of Business" sign on it.  
  
Then, incredibly anticlimactically, she saw Ron walking towards her. She immediately approached him, very pissed.  
  
"Where have you been, Ron?!" exclaimed Kim energetically, loudly, with enthusiasm, relief, vigor, and a little bit of boredom, but not too much.  
  
"Oh," said Ron back to Kim, who had just asked him a question energetically, loudly, with enthusiasm, relief, vigor, and a little bit of boredom, but not too much. "I was eating breakfast."  
  
The End Until Lunch 


End file.
